Forgive Yourself First
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” — Lewis B. Smedes
Forgiveness does not erase the past, but looks upon it with compassion, understanding, and acceptance of what was, and cannot be changed, but can be healed and transformed from a grief into a gift, from a trauma, into a triumph
To withhold forgiveness from yourself or from others, keeps alive false emotions we use to limit and repress ourselves. Emotions we use to judge, repress and limit others. These false emotions include resentment, bitterness, anger and blame which distort your energy field and your perception of life.
There is a difference between emotions and feelings, needs, wants and desires. However, we can choose to live in a beautiful vortex FREE of faux emotions and faux feelings and take back our power to create divine lives of delight, success, joy and happiness,
To forgive, we must forgive ourselves. We must be willing to stop ruminating on the past. Rather, trust the true power of forgiveness to heal all the hurt and pain.
By holding on to pain and resentment, you suffer because the sorrow is intensified to keep it alive. If you hold onto shame or guilt, likewise you are keeping yourself locked in a prison of torment.
Despite people’s perceptions that forgiveness means to forget, to forgive is a powerful practice preserved in self-forgiveness and the role you played in co-creating the situation.
This does not mean you consented to what transpired. Given your involvement, even as a victim, you must forgive yourself ~ regardless of your role.
Forgiveness means to let go of hatred and resentment, instead of allowing it to eat at you.
In the 2009 film Invictus, Nelson Mandala played by actor Morgan Freeman avows to the African National Congress in a show of defiance, “Forgiveness starts here…Forgiveness liberates the soul… It removes fear, that is why it is such a powerful weapon…The past is the past, we look to the future.”
Remarkably, there’s a close link between negative emotions and illness, documented over the past decade by several leading doctors.
Toxic and destructive emotions have the potential to trigger certain diseases if we don’t take responsibility for our own emotional well-being.
I will be the first to admit it can be very difficult to forgive a perpetrator for harming you. Yet, if you consider it from a greater perspective, forgiveness is associated with your emotional welfare, not merely granting the other person pardon.
“At the end of the day, forgiveness is really not for the other person’s benefit at all — it’s for our own. Regardless of how illogical it may seem at times, it is through unconditional forgiveness that we surrender the past to the past and enter the present, freeing ourselves to stand in the infinite Light that knows how to heal our deepest and most painful wounds,” states author Dennis Merritt Jones.
Anger and Resentment
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” — Paul Boese
I grew up in a very difficult relationship with my mother and sisters and carried resentment for a long time.
Yet, I experienced a profound shift when I forgave them and forgave myself. I saw the greater lesson of my experiences which was guiding me towards self-love.
About the time I realized that I had to forgive the trafficker for what he did that nearly destroyed me, I realized i had to forgive myself. Strangely enough, I also realized without self-forgiveness, I would always live in a sea of self-loathing and shame.
When I grew, I found a deep shift in awareness that disintegrated my limiting beliefs: “What if my relationship with my family, with my ex-husband, with the trafficker, and with other perpetrators was perfectly orchestrated to teach me the power of discernment, boundaries, self-expression, full embodiment and self-love?” From that day, I realized there are no accidents in this divine universe, only our perceptions that distort truth.
Anger and resentment keeps us stuck in the past replaying disempowering patterns, instead of living in the present moment, fully embodied, fully self-expressed and fully embraced as divine, miracles.
People wish for a happier life yet are reluctant to let go of toxic emotions, believing forgiving their perpetrator erases the past.
This is the furthest from the truth. Forgiveness is an act of GRACE. It is life affirming and full of growth – FOR YOU.
“When you’re wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness,” affirms author Mario Martinez in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success.
From a spiritual perspective, an unhealthy brain is addicted to fear and stress. It convinces us we were wronged because this triggers the stress-hormones our brain craves. The brain tricks and deceives us by holding on to toxic emotions like anger and resentment to keep the pain alive. The addiciton to the neuro-chemicals it believes it needs is one of the most self-destructive addictions on earth. Thus, if your brain is out of control, it will create increasingly melo-dramatic experiences and toxic relationships to feed its addiction to fear and stress.
The brain is a servant to your soul and your heart. Not the owner or driver of your reality. Once you understand how the brain operates, you can take back control over your life and choose a better way.
Transform Destructive Emotions
“The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.” — Confucius
Conversely, love asserts the need for self-knowledge, truth, forgiveness, peace and delight.
The late Dr. Wayne Dyer said you can be happy or you can be right, but you can’t be both. We must be willing let go of our identity to the past if it is filled with destructive emotions to discover peace and happiness because the two cannot coexist in the same life.
Irrespective of the circumstances, you can learn to write a new story that allows you to respond to your past without judgement, with compassion, and not hold on to the experiences from a place of heartbreak, animosity, or hatred.
Confucius said: “The more you know yourself, the more you forgive yourself.”
So, if you choose life-expanding emotions you will live a fulfilling life and if you choose to be fully delighted in life, you will have all your dreams and desires given to you.
Anger and resentment is a cry out for deep self-care and self-love since what you crave is to be loved, heard, understood and appreciated.
In light of that, let go of that which stands in your way because forgiveness is the bridge that leads you to your promised land.
Look into your heart and forgive yourself for being co-creators in the experience. A co-creator is someone involved in the experience instead of consenting to it.
“Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you,” states author Mario Martinez.
You forgive that part of you that holds on to resentment and in doing so, you transform any destructive emotions and rise above fear.
It was the late psychiatrist and consciousness research Dr. David Hawkins who showed that Fear has a constricted consciousness level, in contrast to Love which has a more expansive consciousness. Fear registers as 100 on a logarithmic scale of consciousness, while Love registers as 500. The energy of Love is calibrated as more expansive and capable of disentangling lower emotional states.
However, that being said, the consciousness scale is not the same as an energetic vibrational frequency scale. Anger and hatred, while discordant frequencies – resonate just as high and just as intensely as love and ecstasy. You need to understand this, because “raising” your vibration or frequency does not mean you immediately stop feeling lower emotional states. It means you will feel these more intently and often on behalf of those who cannot disentangle themselves from these emotional states.
When faced with holding on to anger and resentment, forgive yourself and others. Each time you experience fear, choose forgiveness over hatred. When you forgive yourself and others, you liberate yourself and others to live and create lives we all long to create.
As you do this, you reveal and heal yourself and expand your awareness, leading to inner freedom, inner harmony which is reflected outside around yourself.
Dennis Merritt Jones said Your Redefining Moments: “Forgiveness is the practice that opens the window and exposes our wounds to the Light, and it is a practice that, as long as we live in a human skin, we’ll have a need to employ throughout our lives.”
By exposing your wounds to the Light not only do you heal your suffering, you invite Love to transform your anguish.
In that act of clemency you are reunited with the wholeness of who and what you are.
That is why in Law of Delight coaching we teach you how to delve into a deep wellspring of forgiveness. Forgive YOURSELF of all the mistakes you made in relationship. FORGIVE YOURSELF. NEXT – Forgive EVERYONE ELSE for all the mistakes they made.
Let that stuff GO.
Write letters of forgiveness to yourself and to everything you are holding resentment against. Write a letter of forgiveness to your boss, your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you 5 times, that ex-girlfriend who conned you for $50K and a condo, the woman who spurned you, the parent who hit you, the man who raped you, the woman who attacked you with a frying pan.
FORGIVE FORGIVE FORGIVE. FOR-GIVE until it hurts so much, then FORGIVE SOME MORE. THROUGH For-Giving – think about that combination word for a moment – FOR and Give.
The Secret Power of the Word For-Give.
For-give is a very powerful secret word in our vocabulary. It invokes powerful acts of gratitude, appreciation and love.
FOR is one of the most powerful 3 letter vibrational word in the English Language that invokes an ancient energy to reveal old wounds to divine light to be healed. Remeber I told you that DELIGHT is a code word for DIVINE LIGHT.
Let’s break this word for-give down really quickly, because a lot of people have trouble with the action of forgiving, thinking it takes their power away. In reality forgiving gives you back all the power you thought you lost.
Definition of FOR:
1. with the object or purpose of giving
2. intended to belong to, intention of ownership
3. suiting the purposes of or needs of
4. in order to obtain, gain or acquire
5. used to express a wish for something to be obtained
6. sensitive or responsive to
7. desirous of
8. in consideration of or in return for something
9. with regards or respect
10. in favor of
11. on the side of
12. in place of
13. in exchange for
14. in honor of
15. with the purpose of reaching something or achieving something
16. contributing to
17. in order to save
18. in order to become
19. in assignment or attribution
20. giving back or returning
21. in assignment or attribution to
23. to allow or to require something
24. affecting the interests of or circumstances of
25. in spite of
26. to the extent of or in amount of.
27. indicate success or return of something
As you can see, the word FOR is a very very powerful word. When we “forgive” someone or “forgive” a situation or “forgive” something – we are GIVING them BACK whatever it is they gave us. But we are doing so from a higher resonating space and what we are doing is giving this situation, this circumstance or this thing back in order to exchange for something higher, better or more suited to us.
To forgive is to give yourself a gift.
Definition of GIVE
- freely transfer the possession of (something) to (someone); hand over to.
- bestow (love, affection, or other emotional support).
- administer (medicine).
- hand over (an amount) in exchange or payment; pay.
- place a specified value on (something).
- used hyperbolically to express how greatly one wants to have or do something.
- sacrifice, give up, relinquish, let go of, return or rescind
- communicate or impart (a message) to (someone).
- convey to, pass on to, impart to, communicate to, transmit to; send deliver (to), relay to;
- commit, consign, or entrust.
- freely devote, set aside, or let go of for a purpose.
- release or pass on to (another).
- cause or allow (someone or something) to have (something, especially something abstract); provide or supply with.
- allot or assign (a score) to.
- concede or yield (something) as valid or deserved in respect of (someone).
- carry out or perform (a specified action).
- state or put forward information.
- tell what one knows.
- alter in shape under pressure rather than resist or break.
- yield or give way to pressure.
- concede, release, surrender, let go of.
- capacity to bend or alter in shape under pressure; elasticity.
- ability to adapt or comply; flexibility.
In The Law of Delight Certified Coach programs we train you on how to help your clients practice Forgiveness in very powerful ways.
Can you understand how the power of forgiveness actually works?
When we don’t forgive, we hold ourselves trapped in an endless cycle of resentment, anger, bitterness, distrust and lack of faith. The act of forgiveness is an act of letting go. Of surrendering the past in anticipation of a better now and future. When I use the word surrender, I don’t mean in defeat, but in victory. Honoring your energy as more priceless and valuable than what someone did “to” you or “against” you.
This cycle of resentment and anger will perpetuate more of those same patterns. I personally want to live a higher quality life. I’m sure you do as well.
Choose to forgive. It’s simply you “letting the past no longer influence your future” you are simply focusing on something higher and better for yourself. You are assigning that issue or situation BACK to the person who did it! That’s all!
The Rest of Today’s Lesson are in the following links:
- Day 5 – Why is it taking so long for my dreams to come true?
- The ULTIMATE Guide to Emotions & Feelings and the Hidden Needs & Fears They Represent
- How to Express Yourself Fully to Manifest What You Desire or Need Immediately
- The REAL Power Hidden in Forgiveness – Total FREEDOM of Mind, Body, & Spirit
- How to Manifest Divine Right Relationships & Your Perfect Partner
- How to Manifest Your Dream Job or Dream Business (+ how to deal with conflict in your current job)
- How to Manifest Money Using The Law of Delight
- The Secret to Successful Rapid Manifestation